WELLNESS WEDNESDAY : Financial Wellness

Wellness Wednesday: Financial Wellness

Financial wellness is the capacity to plan and manage income and expenditures. When someone is struggling financially it can affect their physical, emotional, and spiritual health. The stress from financial worries can affect your academic performance, interpersonal relationships, and your job.

Financial Wellness Includes:

●     Managing a monthly budget

●     Paying expenses

●     Understanding loans, interest, payment obligations, and credit cards

●     Understanding the financial impact of one’s decisions

Signs of Financial Wellness:

●     Learning how to manage money and establishing a personal budget

●     Setting realistic goals and living within your means

●     Not getting into credit card debt- or getting out of it!

●     Thinking long term and saving for the future when you can

●     Learning how to balance the money you have with the money you owe

Strategies to Improve Your Financial Wellness:

●     Set realistic goals for yourself when it comes to saving and paying debt.

●     Develop a weekly, monthly, and/or annual budget- and USE IT! The ideal budget allows you to pay off your debt and/or save money while also leaving room for your existing bills, emergencies, and a few fun purchases (new clothes, a meal at a restaurant, an activity you enjoy, etc.).

●     Use your debit card or cash instead of your credit card for purchases whenever you can- it can help you track your spending and can help you avoid spending money you don’t have!

●     When getting a loan or credit card, borrow only what you have to. Banks will be more than happy to increase the limits on your credit card because they can charge you more interest. Unless you really need to increase it, keep it as low as possible. This will also help prevent accumulating a large debt that is hard to pay off.

●     Be aware of your bank’s policies on overdraft and late payment fees. You can usually find these out on their website or by asking the teller at the bank.

●     Pay your bills on time as much as you can to avoid late fees and interest.

●     Recognize and track your spending habits to be conscious of what you want to change. Avoid shopping to relieve stress or boredom, and be aware of impulse purchases.

●     Check your progress on your goals regularly, and don’t be afraid to make changes to your budget or goals!

●     Know what to do if you get into trouble. Some financial advisors can be expensive, so make yourself aware of the resources in your area.

Practical, Realistic Tips for Saving Money

●     Bring your meals, snacks, and drinks from home instead of buying them.

●     Fresh food can be expensive, especially in the winter. Remember that canned and frozen options are also nutritious. Make sure you check the labels for added sugar!

●     Cut grocery costs by buying store brands rather than name brands when you can, and don’t be afraid to use coupons. Every dollar counts!

●     Take advantage of student, military, senior, and educator discounts. If you don’t know if a store has one, ask. Be prepared to show an ID. Many places have a 5-10% discount for people who fit in these categories.

●     You don’t need a gym membership or expensive fitness products to exercise! Try getting some friends together to play at a park or take a walk or run outdoors. There are also plenty of workouts online that you don’t need any equipment to do!

●     Buy used or discount items when you can. Garage sales, local buy/sell/trade groups online, and clearance racks and stores are great places to look before buying an item full price.

●     Look online for free or inexpensive events to attend, especially in the summer. Engage in low-cost activities such as hiking, biking, game nights at home, or potluck dinners.

●     Have a clothing swap with friends if they wear similar clothes. You can also do this with household items and books. It’s a free way to get some new-to-you things and also hang out with your friends!

●     Sell things you don’t use anymore. You can do this in a garage sale or online.

●     Keep a change jar and check your wallet and pockets every day for change. When it is full, take it to the bank! You will also have a supply of change for bus fare, laundry, or other small expenses.

●     Track the little things. Keep a spending journal for a couple of weeks and write down the little things you spend money on- snacks from the vending machine, coffee, newspapers or magazines, etc. You can see how the little things add up and decide if you want to make a change!

Your financial wellness IS something you can improve. If you feel lost, reach out for help as soon as possible. The deeper into debt you go, the harder it can be to get out. But there is always hope. What are some of the ways you work on your financial wellness?

Nicki Phillips is a counseling intern at Esprit and a graduate student at UW Oshkosh working towards a degree in clinical mental health counseling. She brings a fresh perspective to her work along with a vibrant personality. She believes everyone is inherently worthy of respect and compassion, and strives to create those qualities in her relationships with clients. She sees clients who are uninsured, underinsured, have a high deductible, or prefer to pay out-of-pocket for a reduced cost. She particularly enjoys working with adolescents and young adults, and has also worked with children (ages 5 and up) and adults. She has immediate openings for new clients! Please schedule online at espritcounseling.com. She can also be reached via email at nicki@espritcounseling.com or by phone at (920) 383-1287.

Wellness Wednesday: Emotional Wellness

              Wellness Wednesday

Emotional wellness involves how one feels, thinks and copes with the challenges of life. Everyone experiences emotional or mental stress from time to time, so it is important to take care of your emotional and mental well-being.

Emotional Wellness includes:

●      self-understanding – being aware of and accepting of the wide range of feelings one experiences

●      the ability to cope with stress in a healthy way

●      having a generally optimistic outlook

●      the capability of adjusting to change

●      managing feelings effectively

●      the ability to enjoy life

One of the most effective ways to cultivate your emotional wellness is by showing yourself compassion. Self-compassion is important because we often judge ourselves far more harshly than we judge others. This can make us feel isolated, lower our feelings of self-worth, and ultimately can cause us to feel even more stressed. Self-compassion has 3 components: mindfulness, a feeling of common humanity, and self-kindness.

The group Greater Good in Action has created an activity backed by research called a “Self-Compassionate Letter.” Essentially, it asks you to write a letter to a part of yourself that makes you feel ashamed, insecure, or not good enough. Instead of the typical harsh judgement we use to talk to those parts of ourselves, this activity asks you to extend compassion, understanding, and acceptance to that part. Essentially, it’s a letter from yourself to you. You can find more information and the instructions for the activity on their website here. They recommend that we all do this practice at least once per month, writing new letters and re-reading older letters as issues with those parts of ourselves continue to come up.

How do you take care of yourself emotionally? What practices have you found that help you when you are struggling? Let us know in the comments or on our Facebook page!

Nicki Phillips is a counseling intern at Esprit and a graduate student at UW Oshkosh working towards a degree in clinical mental health counseling. She brings a fresh perspective to her work along with a vibrant personality. She believes everyone is inherently worthy of respect and compassion, and strives to create those qualities in her relationships with clients. She sees clients who are uninsured, underinsured, have a high deductible, or prefer to pay out-of-pocket for a reduced cost. She particularly enjoys working with adolescents and young adults, and has also worked with children (ages 5 and up) and adults. She has immediate openings for new clients! Please schedule online at espritcounseling.com. She can also be reached via email at nicki@espritcounseling.com or by phone at (920) 383-1287.

Wellness Wednesday: Social & Cultural Wellness

As we continue to slug through the winter months, our wellness is increasingly important to pay conscious attention to. Many people tend to experience the “winter blues,” which can be attributed to a range of things from less sunlight and time outdoors to more sickness and time spent alone. This month, we will focus on another aspect of wellness, social and cultural wellness. This aspect of wellness is often less focused on than physical or emotional wellness, but it is no less important!

Social wellness is the ability to develop and maintain healthy relationships with the people around you.  It involves having positive relationships based on trust, respect, and understanding. Having a healthy support system of family and/or friends means always having someone to turn to during tough times. Social wellness also means feeling confident when alone or with others.

Cultural wellness means supporting cultural diversity in your community. It involves building positive relationships and interacting respectfully with people of different backgrounds, lifestyles, genders, ethnicities, abilities, and ages. It can also mean exploring your own culture and finding things you enjoy about it in order to help you feel connected to a group of people.

Social and Cultural Wellness Facts and Tips:

●        People with good social networks and support systems are less susceptible to illness, can manage stress more effectively, and have higher self-esteem than those who are more isolated.

●        Laughter and human touch (e.g., hugging) can improve your mood and overall health.

●        Being open-minded to new experiences and cultures is important as you adjust to new surroundings or meet new people.

●        In any relationship, it is important to always treat yourself and others with respect.

●        Seek out opportunities and be willing to meet new people and do new things (i.e., join a club or organization, play a team sport, learn a new hobby, volunteer, or attend community events).

●        Try to look at situations from multiple perspectives and resolve conflicts through compromise.

●        Observing others and asking questions can help you gain a better understanding of unfamiliar cultures and customs.

●        Be knowledgeable about the resources offered within the community.

●        In conversation, work to listen to understand rather than listening to respond. Often, we are so focused on our rebuttal or our own story in a conversation that we miss the connection we could have made with someone.
*Tip: try summarizing what the other person said to you and reflecting how it made you feel before adding your own information. This will help the other person feel heard and be more likely to listen to your information in return.

●        Learning to set healthy boundaries in our relationships can be one of the most challenging things to do, but it has a huge effect on our level of social wellness. Relationships with healthy boundaries tend to be much less draining. They fill us up and make us happier instead of frustrated and upset. Check out this article on setting boundaries for some helpful tips: https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-way-to-build-and-preserve-better-boundaries/

Do you have other ways you improve your social and cultural wellness? Share them with us in the comments or on our Facebook page!

Nicki Phillips is a counseling intern at Esprit and a graduate student at UW Oshkosh working towards a degree in clinical mental health counseling. She brings a fresh perspective to her work along with a vibrant personality. She believes everyone is inherently worthy of respect and compassion, and strives to create those qualities in her relationships with clients. She sees clients who are uninsured, underinsured, have a high deductible, or prefer to pay out-of-pocket for a reduced cost. She particularly enjoys working with adolescents and young adults, and has also worked with children (ages 5 and up) and adults. She has immediate openings for new clients! Please schedule online at espritcounseling.com. She can also be reached via email at nicki@espritcounseling.com or by phone at (920) 383-1287.

Anxiety and Motherhood

So for all the mothers out there, do you have a love/hate relationship with video monitors? Or is it just me?  I am guessing I am not alone and to be honest, I wouldn’t trade mine for the world.  It gives me such peace of mind to see her cozy in her bed, safe and happy.  BUT man I look at it constantly and sometimes it leads me to not be present with the task I am doing.  Or I am consumed with her nap, feedings, diapers, etc.

I should give myself a “mom” break during nap times and I don’t.  My husband can so easily just turn the screen off and set the volume on so he can hear her and he is able to be more present.  Or he can just let her fuss it out for a bit in her crib.  Sometimes, (actually most times), I get jealous of that ability.

So I ask myself, “Why do I have a hard time?”  I believe there are many answers to that question.  One is anxiety and the “what if” questions that roll around in my brain.  My daughter is now 8.5 months old so I have been working on this for several months.  For all new mothers out there with a newborn, BELIEVE me it does get easier.  I used to not even be able to talk about anything besides her.

Here are a few tips I have learned along the way.

1. Give myself grace, I am learning a new job and it takes time.

2. She is new and is learning right alongside me.

3. For the “what if” questions, I have to force myself to slow down and ask what is the possibility vs. probability of my concerns occurring.  Sure a lot of things are possible but the probability of it happening is lower than my anxiety leads me to believe.

4. Ask those who have experienced it, and making sure those are people that you trust.

5. And for those you ask, you DON’T have to take all their advice.

Your answers might be different than mine but the best thing I found for myself was asking the question, “Why is it hard?”  Sometimes just giving mental space to think about the question and reflect can bring awareness.  And how I work with clients a lot of times is awareness first and then finding coping skills.  I just sometimes forget to do that myself.  Can anyone else out there relate?

So to Moms and Dads out there, you are doing great, give grace, and reflect.

Hannah Episcopo graduated from Trinity International University with a Master’s degree in Mental Health Counseling. She enjoys working with individuals, couples and families. Hannah specializes in anxiety, depression, co-dependency, faith and self-esteem issues. Hannah’s work includes walking beside clients as they journey through self-exploration, understanding and healthy communication. She values helping clients identify their strengths and create positive coping skills to meet their goals. Hannah also has experience working with children and adolescents and often incorporates play therapy into sessions.

How The Daring Way Changed Me

Does anyone really understand emotions like shame, vulnerability or creativity?  Did you know that all three of these emotions are inextricably linked?  Vulnerability can cause feelings of shame and shame can cause the experience of vulnerability.  Did you know that you cannot be creative without making room for the feelings associated with vulnerability?  These are difficult topics to understand, in part because there are often many layers and complexities to them.  But I have found someone who does understand them, Dr. Brene Brown.  The first time I saw Dr. Brown’s TED talk on The Power of Vulnerability (check out the video:  https://brenebrown.com/videos/) about 4 to 5 years ago I felt understood. I immediately related to her research and found myself in much of what she was talking about.  Vulnerability is the birthplace of many things, including creativity and belonging.  What exactly is vulnerability though?  Vulnerability is defined as “uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure”.  Shame, a universal human experience, often gets in the way of practicing vulnerability or being real in our lives.  Shame is defined as “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we've experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.”   

Through her years of research (which is mainly done through interviews with all sorts of people), Dr Brown  has learned tactics to help the rest of us not only get through life, but learn to thrive in it.  Her hope for humanity is that we all learn and practice what she calls, wholehearted living.

Early in 2017, I learned that The Daring Way University, which trains mental health professionals on how to apply Dr. Brown’s research, was offering trainings throughout 2017.  I decided to be brave and take a chance on this new opportunity.  This training would allow me to work with people and help them achieve WHOLEHEARTED LIVING. 

On a Sunday in May of 2017, I drove to Faribault, MN, for a 2 day intensive training.  I had some idea what to expect, but was nervous nonetheless.  The word “vulnerable” kept popping up in my head.  I was terribly anxious about “being vulnerable” in this group setting surrounded by other mental health professionals.  There were 10 of us in this group as well as a group facilitator.  At the beginning of the experience, we wrote down our intentions for those 2 days.  I identified that I wanted to be authentic and open.  Other professionals in the group identified similar goals as well which helped me relax a little bit.

The leaders, in their infinite wisdom, believe that the best way to train future leaders is to have them go through the group experience themselves.  It was a humble reminder of what it is like to be the client again.  I really had no idea what to expect which I imagine is how many new clients feel when they first walk into a therapist’s office.  We learned about what vulnerability is, and isn’t, clarified personal values, what shame triggers are, how shame feels in our bodies, what my ideal and unwanted identities are, and practiced creativity.  All of these things, in and of themselves, were life changing for all of us in the room.  But, the one thing I couldn’t have predicted was the power of the group itself.  The 10 of us in that group created such an energy that is indescribable.  Rarely, have I felt so vulnerable, but so connected to other people.  How those two opposites of vulnerable and connection exist in that room at the same time, is part of the magic of The Daring Way. I will carry that with me forever.

After the 2 day training, I did 10 weeks of online classes, in which I continued to learn about and practice the new skills.  I continue to consult with my Daring Way Mentor in preparation for becoming a Certified Daring Way Facilitator in my own right.

The best way for me to talk about the impact of The Daring Way on my life, is for me to share some personal stories that illustrate what I do differently.  This past summer, my family and I, made the painful decision to return our dog to the breeder.  He had developed significant aggression issues and we no longer felt safe in our own home.  Despite our dog’s issues, we absolutely loved him with all our hearts.  Returning him to the breeder brought up painful experiences of shame, wondering what we did wrong to make him this way, and huge feelings of guilt that we were selfish for giving him back to the breeder because we wanted normalcy in our home again. 

Before going through The Daring Way, shame would have driven my outcome, rather than my personal values.  This time, I was able to identify shame in my body (a warm flush, continuous negative thoughts about myself as well as constant confusion).  Once I recognized I was caught up in shame, I was able to respond differently.  In the past, I would have kept much of this to myself.  This time, I reached out to people in my Marble Jar (people in your life who are safe and have earned the right to hear your story).  I was able to connect with my values and make decisions from that place, rather than from a place of shame and guilt.  It has been 6 months since we let our dog go.  Although I still have pain and grief, I feel very good about how I handled my thoughts and feelings throughout that experience.

Another recent incident involved a family member, who asked me to do something.  In the past, I would have said yes (even though I didn’t really want to do it).  This time I applied what I learned from Dr. Brown, I asked myself crucial questions…do I want to do this?  How am I afraid of being perceived if I say no?  If I go, am I being my authentic self?  There are certain people in my life that I can be my authentic self with but like any human being, there are certain people I find it hard to do this with.  This particular family member is one of those people. 

The fact that I even asked myself those questions is a testament to The Daring Way.  It got me off automatic pilot.  I live more consciously.  I am driven more by my authentic self vs. the self that is afraid she will be disliked.  This work isn’t easy. In the example above with the family member, I drove myself (and my husband), slightly crazy for a few days.  It was pretty terrifying for me to do something different than what was expected of me.

                I invite you to get off automatic pilot.  Take your life to the next level.  Fill that hole inside of you.  I promise, you will never be the same.  Check out her books, like “The Gifts of Imperfection” and “Daring Greatly”.  Or better yet…come join me for The Daring Way weekend.  Check out the details here:  http://www.espritcounseling.com/thedaringway.html

Jennifer Olkowski is a state certified Licensed Professional Counselor and Clinical Substance Abuse Counselor who has worked in a variety of behavioral settings, including inpatient, outpatient and private practice.  Jennifer enjoys working with children, adolescents and adults with a variety of mental health issues from everyday adjustment concerns to mild and significant anxiety concerns to mood disorders.  She is especially passionate and skilled in working with the anxiety spectrum disorders.  Jennifer has received specific training in Exposure and Response Prevention, the gold standard of treatment in anxiety disorders.  She is particularly passionate about bringing mindfulness and commitment to values in everyday life utilizing Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.  Her focus is encouraging present moment awareness, more compassion for the self and helping clients identify what truly matters to them.  Jennifer has a Bachelor’s of Science in Psychology from UW Oshkosh and Masters of Science in Community Counseling from the University of Nebraska.  As a parent herself, Jennifer recognizes the challenges in raising children who are healthy and resilient to the many ups and downs of life.  When Jennifer is not in the office, she enjoys spending time with her family, cooking and being in the outdoors.  

Dreading the Holidays?

We all have them:  Those awful memories of family get-togethers gone bad.  We mean well.  We plan for a holiday to share with loved ones and this time it will be different...but then.. we revert to our old habits.  Arguments ensue, feelings are hurt and soon, we begin to dread getting together again.

What do you do? Often, our expectations for what we want to happen does not match with reality.  We have our own versions of what happened which often differ from someone else's perspective.  We have our own biases and preferences and when others do not do as we expect or want, then what?

We even imagine those perfect holiday scenes and find ours never measure up.  A quote I read that emphasized how we blame others or ourselves for this perceived failure is "It's not you and it's not only you."  Everyone contributes in their own way to the enjoyment or problems that can arise. Trying to understand the other person's perspective promotes greater understanding and harmony.

There are certain conversations that my family tries to avoid because all of us know it will end badly.  We have that "silent agreement" among us to save those conversations with like-minded family members or friends because agreeing to disagree seems to work best.  We know we will not be able to persuade someone to our point of view, making someone right and the other wrong, or someone gets to win and the other's expense.

Something I have noticed at every one of my family gatherings is how we revert to roles we played when we were growing up.  Even though we are all adults with adult children, those old familiar roles are dormant until we get together.  It is during those times, when we do not relate as the adults we are that the problems begin.  And, adding alcohol to the mix increases the tension, as it is like pouring gas on the "taking things personally" fire.

The holidays can be reminders of better times in our lives as well.  Sometimes, that becomes an emotionally polarized situation. Although we remember happy times with loved ones who have passed away, we are also sad to be without them during a time that emphasizes family.  It can be somewhat awkward and difficult to attend a holiday gathering that include spouses or significant others when you are alone.

Everyone copes with holiday gatherings in their own way.  Try to remain open and accepting of situations that arise while you keep in mind the reason you are gathering.  You can find something about the occasion to enjoy and appreciate - other than the cookies!

Kathy Thome is passionate about using the therapeutic relationship to help you achieve your personal goals.  She is proficient in multiple approaches and will work with you to find that which is best suited to your needs. 

Kathy is skilled in working with many issues.  She has extensive experience helping individuals with depression, anxiety, grief, and the development of interpersonal skills that foster growth and esteem. 

Prior to her counseling career, Kathy was a high school teacher and a school counselor, which gives her a unique perspective and insight related to adolescents as well as parenting.  She worked with suicide prevention groups and also founded the first LGBTQ group (Gay Straight Alliance) at her high school.

Kathy is a state certified Licensed Professional Counselor, earning her Master’s Degree in Counseling from Western Illinois University.

In her free time she enjoys spending time with her family and friends, including those with four legs.

December Wellness Wednesday

(Forgive my lateness in posting.)  

Physical Wellness: What it is (and what it isn’t)

Wellness can be a tricky concept to nail down. By definition, it means, “the state of being in good health, especially as an actively pursued goal.” Beyond that, the generally accepted meaning includes more than an absence of illness-- it’s also about actively working towards your best self. There are many different aspects of wellness. They include physical, emotional, environmental, financial, spiritual, occupational, and social/cultural wellness. This month, we will focus on the most often emphasized aspect of wellness-- physical wellness.

Physical wellness is exactly what it sounds like-- taking care of your body! This includes things like physical activity; a healthy diet; drinking water or decaffeinated tea; getting enough quality sleep; avoiding drugs, alcohol, and tobacco; and scheduling annual check-ups and screenings. Doing these things has been proven to help you feel happier, healthier, and more energetic.

Research has shown several benefits to engaging in physical wellness practices. Physical wellness can improve your emotional stability and mood, reduce stress, and decrease your risk for anxiety, depression, heart disease, stroke, diabetes, high blood pressure, and some types of cancer. Exercise and healthy eating can also help with your body image, self-esteem, confidence, memory, and concentration. People who engage in physically healthy practices also tend to experience deeper, less restless sleep.

Personally, I have struggled for years with my physical wellness. I tend to go through phases of being very active and eating healthy, then losing my motivation and falling back into bad habits. As a busy person on a budget, it can definitely be a challenge to find cost-effective ways to be physically healthy while still getting everywhere on time! There are five small things I have started doing on a daily basis that are free or low cost and have already helped me feel better.

●     Drinking decaffeinated tea: I get bored with plain water, and end up not drinking enough of it. Did you know you are supposed to drink half your bodyweight in ounces of water every day? That means if you weigh 180 pounds, you should be drinking 60 ounces of water or EVERY DAY. Tea is a way to change up the flavor without any of the added calories or sugar of other alternatives.

●     Sleeping when tired: This one seems obvious, but I tend to stay up later for no real reason other than, “it’s too early for bed.” But sometimes my body needs the extra sleep! Also, 15 minute power naps are lifesavers.

●     Park and walk: While this one requires a little bit of advance planning to account for the extra time, it has really helped me combat my sedentary job. Parking a little farther away, whether it be a few blocks or just the far side of the parking lot, helps me get my blood pumping and get energized for the day. I also like to take some of my break time to take a lap around the building, or get a few minutes of sunshine in the summer.

●     Meal prep: If you’re like me, you’re lucky if you make it to the grocery store once a week. One of my biggest downfalls with healthy eating is packing healthy lunches. I’m always running late in the morning, so I usually tend to throw a frozen meal in my lunchbox or order delivery food at work. Lately, I have been trying to switch to eating salads and homemade lean meats for lunch, but I never have time to put them together before work. Instead, I have been making time on Sunday nights to cook and portion all 5 lunches for the week. I’ve found that it doesn’t take that much longer to slice veggies or cook meat for 5 meals than it does for one, and then I only have to do it once per week! This way, I have no excuse not to grab the healthy option instead of the frozen meal.

●     Calendar alerts for appointments: I’m the first to admit it, I’m a procrastinator. I can also be forgetful, especially when it comes to scheduling appointments. Usually, my “yearly” checkups are more like every 15 months or so because I am not proactive about scheduling my appointments in advance. I recently discovered that rather than putting alerts in my phone for when my appointments are supposed to be, it works much better for me to put them in when I need to schedule them. For example, my dentist is booked out about 3 months, so I put an alert in my phone for three months before I need to go in reminding me to schedule my next appointment.

What are your tips and tricks for maintaining your physical health? Do you struggle with other things not mentioned here? Let us know in the comments or on our Facebook page!

Nicki Phillips is a counseling intern at Esprit and a graduate student at UW Oshkosh working towards a degree in clinical mental health counseling. She brings a fresh perspective to her work along with a vibrant personality. She believes everyone is inherently worthy of respect and compassion, and strives to create those qualities in her relationships with clients. She sees clients who are uninsured, underinsured, have a high deductible, or prefer to pay out-of-pocket for a reduced cost. She particularly enjoys working with adolescents and young adults, and has also worked with children (ages 5 and up) and adults. She has immediate openings for new clients! Please schedule online at espritcounseling.com. She can also be reached via email at nicki@espritcounseling.com or by phone at (920) 383-1287.