SELF HARM

I cannot forget the first time I learned that someone was intentionally cutting herself.  Two female high school students had asked to talk with me after class.  The friend encouraged “Amy” to tell me what she was doing.  I was dumbfounded.  WHY would you (or anyone) do this?  Amy explained that she was under a lot of stress, didn’t like how she looked, felt misunderstood at home and was generally unhappy.  I would never have guessed she was going through any difficulties by her always cheerful disposition. Unfortunately, cutting has become much more widespread for all age groups but for teens and young adults in particular.  Cutting is only one form of self harm.  Others might burn themselves, punch walls, bang their head against the wall, hit themselves, (and even worse things), all of which, in general, indicate intense emotional turmoil.  Although these actions are not suicide attempts, some individuals who self harm may also attempt suicide.   

Persons who self harm lack coping skills that work in the long term.  Several mental illnesses are also associated with self harm.  One depressed young woman I worked with told me she cut just so that she could “feel something.”  Another had been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.  Other associated diagnoses include, bipolar disorder; major depression; anxiety disorders (esp. obsessive-compulsive disorder); and psychotic disorders such as schizophrenia.

Do you suspect that someone is self harming?

You might have noticed some of the following:

·         Wearing long sleeves/pants even in warm weather.  (some persons cut on body parts that are always covered by clothing so this is not always a tell tale sign.)

·         Someone who has frequent bruises or scars and has excuses for their clumsiness. (One mother told me her daughter’s excuse was that she accidentally cut herself while shaving.)

·         Having sharp objects in their possession – for no “real” reason

·         Taking excessive amounts of time alone (in bedroom or bathroom)

·         Bloodied clothing, bedding, tissues, bandages –more than what would be typical

·         Low self esteem

·         Difficulty handling their emotions

No matter what the person might be doing to self-harm, it is important for them to have access to other healthy and long term coping methods.  The relief one feels after self harming is only temporary and will continue unless other coping methods are established. 

What to do instead of self harming

I have found that teens have to WANT to stop self harming and will usually not be able to resist the urge when it happens.  (Sounds like a habit/addiction, doesn’t it?)  You can join them in their attempts to try new behaviors and change their negative self talk.  A very good article with suggestions about how to help someone stop the cycle of self harming can be found here:

http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Self-Harming

An additional guide for parents and carers of individuals who self harm:

https://www.psych.ox.ac.uk/news/new-guide-for-parents-who-are-coping-with-their-child2019s-self-harm-2018you-are-not-alone2019

There is also an app that you can download to your smart phone.  Search for Calm Harm.

Kathy Thome is a Licensed Professional Counselor at Esprit Counseling & Consulting in Neenah, WI.  She has extensive experience working with individuals, couples, and families who want to make changes in their lives.  Kathy believes that you possess the tools necessary to make positive changes in your life, and she offers a comfortable, open, and supportive setting in which to do so. Kathy's experience as a teacher and school counselor also offer a unique perspective when working with adolescents and their families. She is currently accepting new clients. To schedule an appointment with Kathy, please go to www.espritcounseling.com and schedule online today.