National Suicide Prevention Week

September 10-16, 2017 is National Suicide Prevention Week.

    We are advised to be aware of the warning signs that might help us to intervene and many times, individuals who are contemplating suicide ask for help or indicate by their actions and/or words that they have been considering ending their lives.  Yet, there are too many of us who have experienced losing someone by suicide, where no such early warning occurred.  We are left wondering what we missed, because surely this person "told us" in some way.  We go through the checklists of the typical warning signs and come up empty.  We blame ourselves because we didn't pay closer attention.  We feel guilty because we didn't spend those few extra minutes we had with the person we lost.  We didn't tell them we loved them often enough...

     When I worked as a high school counselor, my experiences losing students was especially devastating.  The high school I worked at lost several teens who chose to end their own lives. Feelings of shock and disbelief and overwhelming grief were expressed by students and staff alike. As a school counselor, it was particularly difficult to comfort others while I too was grieving.  

     During my work as a Licensed Professional Counselor, I started seeing one young lady, after her first attempt.  I thought we were making progress, yet after only three sessions, she hung herself. I questioned my effectiveness and doubted my ability to be able to help my clients. I felt as though I had not earned the trust and hope her parents placed in me to help their daughter. 

    Although there are some who plan their suicide, the students we lost acted impulsively.  In a moment of desperation, when they felt as though no one could help or nothing would ever change, they were gone.  Our lives were forever changed by their actions.  Immediately, any of us would have traded that for an opportunity to help, to listen, to care.

How do we learn to bounce back from disappointments?  How do we learn to take things in stride?  How do we learn that it is OK to make a mistake? How do we learn that we will have our hearts broken? How do we learn to tolerate being teased, rejected, and that we won’t always get what we want?

     The Survivors of Suicide and Loss group I meet with monthly (Community for Hope at www.communityforhope.org) agree that starting at a very young age, children must learn to be resilient.  They must have their feelings validated as well as experience disappointments so they learn, in incremental steps, how to navigate the full range of our emotions.  They must learn that they don’t have to “take something” to feel better.  Children learn that things can help us feel better by seeing us have that drink when we get home from work, or that cigarette when stressed. The group members also believe the pace of our lives limit our direct interactions with each other and see the impersonal and somewhat shallow relationships that are developed via electronic media. 

     Yes, it is important to be aware of the warning signs of suicide.  But before someone ever considers that suicide is an option, it is more important to be an early and constant loving, supportive, caring, and accepting presence in each other’s lives.   

Kathy is passionate about using the therapeutic relationship to help you achieve your personal goals. 

She is proficient in multiple approaches and will work with you to find that which is best suited to your needs.  
 

Kathy is skilled in working with many issues.  She has extensive experience helping individuals with depression, anxiety, grief, and the development of interpersonal skills that foster growth and esteem.  
 

Prior to her counseling career, Kathy was a high school teacher and a school counselor, which gives her a unique perspective and insight related to adolescents as well as parenting.  She worked with suicide prevention groups and also founded the first LGBTQ group (Gay Straight Alliance) at her high school. 
 

Kathy is a state certified Licensed Professional Counselor, earning her Master’s Degree in     

Counseling from Western Illinois University.

In her free time she enjoys spending time with her family and friends, including those with four legs.

The "Firsts"

There are so many firsts in people’s lives. Do you remember when you first entered kindergarten and wondered if you would have any friends?  I cannot remember my exact thoughts that day but I do remember feeling nervous and clinging to my mom’s leg.  Then going to college, same worry!  Or how about the first time you entered the world of work?  Those worries might be, “will my boss and coworkers like me?” or wondering, “can I do this job?”  There are many firsts with buying a house and not knowing the steps to getting a mortgage or hiring a realtor.  Other firsts in day to day tasks can also create anxiety like calling a doctor or picking a bank.  Every day we are faced with new experiences or firsts.

I have recently had some firsts in my life and it made me think about how it must be for our clients at Esprit to pick a counselor for the first time not to mention picking up the phone and scheduling that first appointment.  There is no guidebook to picking a counselor.  Some of it is based on trusting yourself and having a gut feeling about a counselor’s professional online bio  or some sort of connection to the voice you are talking to over the phone.  But what if you don’t always trust yourself or your anxiety spikes because of all of the unknowns with establishing a counseling relationship?

Here are just a few helpful hints to taking the next steps with counselors anywhere and some specifics with our Esprit staff.

1.      Start by setting some time aside to explore options in your area.  Ask yourself if you want someone close to your home or further away to create distance.  There are many options online today to help with your initial exploring.  One website is Psychology Today.  This website categorizes therapists by location, specialty and more.

2.      To help narrow down your search, look for the counselors’ biographies on clinics’ websites to see if a counselor specializes in what type of counseling you are looking for.

3.      The next step may be the most challenging:  Placing a call or scheduling an appointment.  One nice thing about Esprit is that you can schedule directly online and never have to pick up the phone.  Some people like that and others prefer to talk with someone directly.  At Esprit we offer both.  Here is Esprit’s website: http://www.espritcounseling.com/index.html

4.      Sometimes just getting that date set takes the anxiety down drastically.  For some, having that appointment as soon as possible is helpful.  Typically, when people are ready to schedule, they want to see someone right away.  Esprit can get people in to see a counselor within the same week.

5.      Paperwork can seem overwhelming for some people.  If you prefer, our therapists will walk you through and explain all of the specifics.  When you register with a therapist, we automatically email the intake paperwork to you and you can fill it out prior to the appointment and not feel rushed on the day of your session.  We also have intake paperwork available for you to complete in our waiting room prior to your appointment.  Allow about 20 minutes to complete it.

6.      Then, the next step is showing up for your appointment.  This might be the biggest “first.”  We want this to be a helpful and pleasant process for you.  Therapists are here to hear your story and help walk the journey with you.  We can help explain our role in more detail during that first session.

In summary, the first time you experience anything, there are many unknowns, and perhaps some anxiety.  We are here to help!  Give us a call!

Hannah Episcopo graduated from Trinity International University with a Master’s degree in Mental Health Counseling. She enjoys working with individuals, couples and families. Hannah specializes in anxiety, depression, co-dependency, faith and self-esteem issues. Hannah’s work includes walking beside clients as they journey through self-exploration, understanding and healthy communication. She values helping clients identify their strengths and create positive coping skills to meet their goals. Hannah also has experience working with children and adolescents and often incorporates play therapy into sessions.  She also enjoys spending her down time exploring and traveling with her husband and daughter.

Helpful Mental Health Apps

Top 5 Mental Health Apps

With the technology of today there seems to be an app for everything. What we don’t always recognize is that we can use this technology for personal growth and development. In other words, there are more enlightening apps than angry birds and candy crush. I took some time to look into many of the mental health apps available and found that there are hundreds available. Below you will find a list and description of the top 5 mental health apps I discovered. All of these apps are free and available on iPhone and android devices.

1.       Stop, Breathe, and Think

This mindfulness app is great for beginners and for those experienced with relaxation and meditation techniques. There is information on learning how to meditate and understanding the basics in order to get started. What I enjoyed about this app is that it prompts you to check in with yourself. So you will be asked how your body and mind are feeling and also what emotions you are currently experiencing. Then based on those responses the app suggests a few mindfulness exercises for you. Most of the exercises are brief anywhere from 3-15 minutes. You can also track your mindfulness progress over time.

2.       Daylio

This app is a very basic mood tracking app. What I liked about it is that is very quick and easy to complete. I find with mood tracking that it can be hard to stick to it daily if it feels too time consuming or overwhelming. This app allows you to track your mood daily, allowing more than one entry in a day, as we know our moods can change throughout a day. It also asks you what you have been doing that day. Then under stats you can look at what your recent moods have been and also what activities are typically connected to those moods. For example, it may show that feeling happy is typically associated with spending time with friends or that feeling sad it usually connected to watching TV. This helps us to recognize connections between our moods and behavior to figure out what helps and what doesn’t.

3.       What’s Up

Here is an app that incorporates techniques from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. It has several different components the first of which is a section on self-calming strategies in order to get to a place where you are calm enough to sort through an issue. Then there are many coping strategies for addressing our thinking patterns and better understanding of our thoughts. In addition, there is information about specific mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, self-esteem, anger management, etc. This app could be a useful tool in between therapy sessions to help stay on top of using your coping skills.

4.       Mindshift

An app that is made to specifically address anxiety. It is geared towards adolescents and young adults but can be useful for people of all ages. There is information on understanding anxiety and it then helps you identify the situations in your life that are triggering this for you. Once those are identified, it walks you through a step by step method for gaining skills to cope with your anxiety, providing specific tools and inspiration along the way.

5.       Rise Up + Recover

This app is geared towards individuals with disorder eating or a challenging relationship with food. On this app you can create a meal log to keep track of eating patterns and the app has a feature where you can also email your log to your therapist, nutritionist, or other supports. Along with the meal log it tracks emotions and eating disorder behaviors such as bingeing and purging. Lastly there is a coping skills section for support in between sessions with your treatment team or support individuals. 

Kaitlyn is a Licensed Professional Counselor who strives to help people find inner peace and healing.  She provides client centered counseling services to children, adolescents, families, couples, and adults.  She values the human connection and creating a safe space for exploration, learning, and growth.  Kaitlyn obtained her Master’s Degree in Counseling Psychology from The Adler School of Professional Psychology in Chicago, IL. She has extensive experience working with individuals struggling with eating disorders, self-esteem, and body image issues. She also has a particular passion for working with adolescents and young adults. Other areas of interest include grief and loss, anxiety, depression, ADHD, behavior issues, parent/child relationships, and family systems.

Kaitlyn utilizes several therapeutic approaches but specializes in Internal Family Systems Therapy and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. She often incorporates relaxation and mindfulness techniques into sessions. In her work with children she frequently integrates play therapy and artistic expression to encourage healthy emotion regulation and communication.  In her free time Kaitlyn enjoys running, traveling, camping, and gardening. Kaitlyn believes that happiness is something you create and every individual has the power to make positive change in their life. She is here as a partner on your path 

to creating happiness and peace. 

SELF HARM

I cannot forget the first time I learned that someone was intentionally cutting herself.  Two female high school students had asked to talk with me after class.  The friend encouraged “Amy” to tell me what she was doing.  I was dumbfounded.  WHY would you (or anyone) do this?  Amy explained that she was under a lot of stress, didn’t like how she looked, felt misunderstood at home and was generally unhappy.  I would never have guessed she was going through any difficulties by her always cheerful disposition. Unfortunately, cutting has become much more widespread for all age groups but for teens and young adults in particular.  Cutting is only one form of self harm.  Others might burn themselves, punch walls, bang their head against the wall, hit themselves, (and even worse things), all of which, in general, indicate intense emotional turmoil.  Although these actions are not suicide attempts, some individuals who self harm may also attempt suicide.   

Persons who self harm lack coping skills that work in the long term.  Several mental illnesses are also associated with self harm.  One depressed young woman I worked with told me she cut just so that she could “feel something.”  Another had been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.  Other associated diagnoses include, bipolar disorder; major depression; anxiety disorders (esp. obsessive-compulsive disorder); and psychotic disorders such as schizophrenia.

Do you suspect that someone is self harming?

You might have noticed some of the following:

·         Wearing long sleeves/pants even in warm weather.  (some persons cut on body parts that are always covered by clothing so this is not always a tell tale sign.)

·         Someone who has frequent bruises or scars and has excuses for their clumsiness. (One mother told me her daughter’s excuse was that she accidentally cut herself while shaving.)

·         Having sharp objects in their possession – for no “real” reason

·         Taking excessive amounts of time alone (in bedroom or bathroom)

·         Bloodied clothing, bedding, tissues, bandages –more than what would be typical

·         Low self esteem

·         Difficulty handling their emotions

No matter what the person might be doing to self-harm, it is important for them to have access to other healthy and long term coping methods.  The relief one feels after self harming is only temporary and will continue unless other coping methods are established. 

What to do instead of self harming

I have found that teens have to WANT to stop self harming and will usually not be able to resist the urge when it happens.  (Sounds like a habit/addiction, doesn’t it?)  You can join them in their attempts to try new behaviors and change their negative self talk.  A very good article with suggestions about how to help someone stop the cycle of self harming can be found here:

http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Self-Harming

An additional guide for parents and carers of individuals who self harm:

https://www.psych.ox.ac.uk/news/new-guide-for-parents-who-are-coping-with-their-child2019s-self-harm-2018you-are-not-alone2019

There is also an app that you can download to your smart phone.  Search for Calm Harm.

Kathy Thome is a Licensed Professional Counselor at Esprit Counseling & Consulting in Neenah, WI.  She has extensive experience working with individuals, couples, and families who want to make changes in their lives.  Kathy believes that you possess the tools necessary to make positive changes in your life, and she offers a comfortable, open, and supportive setting in which to do so. Kathy's experience as a teacher and school counselor also offer a unique perspective when working with adolescents and their families. She is currently accepting new clients. To schedule an appointment with Kathy, please go to www.espritcounseling.com and schedule online today.

CO-PARENTING: WORKING TOGETHER AFTER THE DIVORCE

Conversations around co-parenting often center around what not to do. Common statements that people often hear are “don’t fight in front of the kids”, “don’t use the kids against one another”, “don’t bad mouth the other parent”, “don’t put your children in the middle of the conflict”. These messages don’t offer help or suggestions for parents on what to do to navigate the difficulties of co-parenting after a divorce. Divorce is difficult on the whole family and can come with feelings of anger, hurt, fear, and resentment. These feelings can make it difficult to co-parent in the beginning when emotions are high, however it’s important to find ways of interacting with your ex that support your kids. Below are some useful ideas on how to maintain positive interactions that benefits the children.

1.      Be there for your children: It is important for both parents to be emotionally present for their kids and engaged in what they have going on in their life.

2.      Talk with the children about the divorce: It is important for children to know they are not being abandoned, by either parent and they are not to blame. Divorce can be a long process so it is important to check in regularly as changes in the family occur. Let them know that you are there to support them.

3.      How you feel about your ex is less important than how you act towards them. Speak and act in a respectful manner towards the other parent especially when the children are present. It is important for the child's well being to shield them from conflict and show respect to the other parent.  Avoid putting the children in the middle and involving them in adult problems, it puts too much pressure and stress on them.

4.      Choose your battles. Major life decisions should be made jointly however parents sometimes have different views in these topics. Divorced parents don't need to agree, but learn how to deal with the differences and compromise. Determine what is most important to address and provide room for the other parent to make some choices to avoid fights on smaller topics. After time heals the hurt that occurs with the divorce some of those topics may be more easily addressed. Each parent has the right to develop their own parenting style, as long as no harm is being done.

5.      Support the other parent in having relationships with your children. Keep a co-parenting schedule, remain flexible whenever possible and cooperate. The kids are the ones who are affected when this is not a priority. Focus on co-parenting responsibilities rather than your relationship with your ex-partner. This can be hard when there is still hurt and anger that exists from the divorce however it is important to deal with these feeling separate from the relationship that the children have with the other parent.

6.      Maintain open communication channels with the other parent. Each party is entitled to their privacy; the only information that needs to be shared between co-parents are things that pertain to the children. If your relationship is not in a place to talk in a healthy manor try sticking to emails or phone calls rather than face to face meetings. In some circumstances, it may be beneficial to have a third-party present to help mediate.

7.      Maintain your children's community support. It is necessary for the children to feel secure especially when major changes are occurring in the family. Part of security involves maintaining routines and existing relationships with extended family, friends, and school activities. Children count on predictability in as many areas as possible; with many changes are going on in the family it is important to have predictability in their other relationships and routines.

8.      Maintain your own health and well being. Focus on what you need during this time and seek help and support when needed. In order to be there for your children, you need to be taking care of your well being through the divorce process and post-divorce.

9.    Seek out informal and formal sources of support.

So, you may be reading this thinking yes, that all sounds great; I can do that, but what about the other parent, they are not following any of those guidelines. It can be very frustrating to deal with a parent that will not cooperate. It can make it difficult for you to make good decisions and not sink to the level of the uncooperative parent even if that is not in the best interest of your child. Usually the parent who is unwilling to cooperate or involves the children in the divorce process has unresolved anger, grief or sadness. Leave the issues of the marriage in the past. Playing out the never-ending conversations does not help the situation, the divorce has happened, and continuing to relive those conversations/problems just increases feelings of frustration and anger. Continue to redirect the focus to topics that relate to the kids.

Overall divorce impacts everyone in the family. It is normal to experience emotions of sadness, resentment, anger, and frustration and it may take time to heal from the relationship ending and the change in family dynamics. At times, it may be beneficial to seek support from friends, family or a professional to start the healing process, focus on your own health and well being and find ways to figure out how to co-parent with an ex-partner maintaining focus on the children’s well being. Co-parenting is an ever evolving process from the time the kids are young until even when they are over 18, keeping the well being of your children as the focus can help with this difficult process. 

Danielle Zarling is a licensed professional counselor. She has specialty training in Functional Family Therapy, which looks at the conflict and strain that occurs within family relationships and seeks to heal, rebuild and find new ways of interacting with one another.  In addition to family therapy, Danielle enjoys working with adolescents, adults and couples.  Danielle specializes in family and relationship issues, anxiety, depression, self-esteem, behavior issues in addition to mood disorders. She provides client centered therapy and incorporates multiple therapeutic approaches depending on what is the best fit for the client. She works alongside her clients to identify their strengths and build off of those strengths as they work to achieve their goals.

Danielle has a Bachelor’s of Arts in Psychology from UW Milwaukee and Master’s Degree of Science Education in Clinical

Mental Health Counseling from the UW Oshkosh. Outside of work Danielle enjoys spending time with friends and family,

traveling and exercising.   

WELCOME NICKI!

We would like to introduce Nicki Phillips, a counseling student joining

Esprit for the 2017-2018 school year. She is currently accepting new

clients for a reduced cost out-of-pocket.

 

She is a graduate student at UW Oshkosh working towards a degree in

clinical mental health counseling.

 

She brings a fresh perspective to her work along with a vibrant

personality. Nicki believes everyone is inherently worthy of respect and

compassion, and strives to create those qualities in her relationships

with clients.

 

Nicki has experience working with anxiety, self-esteem, stress

management, body image, sexual assault, depression, life transitions,

and emotion regulation/impulse control. She often uses relaxation and

grounding techniques, cognitive restructuring, coping skills, and

artistic expression in her work with clients. She particularly enjoys

working with adolescents and young adults, and has also worked with

children (ages 6 and up) and adults.

 

Outside of work, Nicki loves spending time with her friends, her family,

and her dog, Freya. Her favorite self-care activities are knitting,

reading, walking, and traveling.

Warning Signs That Your Child or Teen May Have Anxiety

Does your child or teen experience irritability, angry outbursts, unexplained physical symptoms (e.g., headaches, stomachaches), difficulty paying attention, frequent worry, school or social activity avoidance, repetitive behaviors (e.g., counting objects, hair pulling, nail biting, hand washing), or generally feel overwhelmed?

Everyone has anxiety. It can even be motivating. However, frequent or more intense symptoms negatively impact children’s well-being. Further, anxious children tend to be people pleasers who worry about being judged; they may therefore minimize or hide their concerns. But, like a beach ball held underwater, anxious feelings often force their way up more strongly, if pushed down or ignored, than if they had been appropriately dealt with or managed.

Situational anxiety is normal, but when it interferes with daily activities or prevents your child from enjoying life (e.g., being active, completing schoolwork) it’s time to act. Left untreated, childhood anxiety can lead to poorer school achievement, missing out on social experiences, and increased risk for depression and substance abuse. A mental health provider can help your child develop a toolbox full of effective coping skills that will not only enable them to enjoy life more now, but become independent adults who can manage the daily stressors of post-high school education, a job, and relationships.

Anxiety may be linked to a specific stressful event and may relieve itself at some point. Some people, however, may be biologically predisposed to anxiety. In either case, a mental health counselor can help.

A more comprehensive list of anxiety symptoms and disorders appears below. If your child suffers from symptoms on this list or you suspect they have anxiety, seek an assessment from a mental health provider who can best determine whether the anxiety is normal, develop an effective treatment plan, and provide additional resources or referrals.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder:

• Frequent or extreme worry in several life areas (e.g., family/friend relationships, world events, natural disasters, school or sport performance, well-being/safety of self or others)
• Perfectionism
• Constant need for approval or reassurance to feel comforted
• Difficulty concentrating
• Difficulty sleeping
• Restlessness
• Irritability

Panic Disorder:

• Difficulty breathing
• Choking sensation
• Stomachache
• Rapid heartbeat
• Dizziness
• Sweating
• Shaking or trembling
• Fear of losing control or going crazy
• Fear of dying
• Feeling things are surreal
• Tingling
• Chills or hot flashes
• Worry about recurring panic attacks

Social Anxiety

• Fears social situations (e.g., parties, outings, family get togethers)
• Performance fears (e.g., school presentations, class participation, recitals, sporting events)
• Avoids talking in groups
• Expresses concerns/embarrassment about being negatively judged
• Discomfort initiating social interaction (e.g., inviting friends to do things, making phone calls)
• Avoids eye contact

Separation Anxiety

• Fearful/nervous when away from home or separated from caregiver
• Headaches or stomachaches when thinking of or actually separated (often on school days)
• Refuses to leave caregiver or home
• Fears being alone
• Nightmares about separation
• Bed wetting
• Worries that something bad may happen when or if separated from caregiver
• Difficulty sleeping without caregiver present
• Repeated pleading or temper tantrums

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)\

    Obsessions

• Repetitive or frequent unwanted and intrusive thoughts (obsessions)
• Upset if unable to repeatedly perform rituals and/or routines (compulsions)
• Constant irrational worry about dirt, germs, or contamination
• Fears harm or danger to a loved one or self
• Over-focus on religious rules or rituals
• Hears intrusive words or sounds
• Constant worry about losing something valuable
• Excessive need for symmetry, order, specific arrangement of objects or tasks

    Compulsions

• Hoarding or saving unnecessary items
• Ritualistic counting (e.g., of steps, ceiling tiles) or behaviors
• Checking and re-checking (e.g., on homework, checking if light left on or door was locked)
• Repetitive verbalization (e.g., prayer, activity, phrase, name, song)
• Need to engage in activity or task until it is “just right”

PTSD·         

• Intense fear and anxiety
• Emotionally numb
• Easily irritated or angered
• Emotionally triggered by anything (e.g., a smell, sound, person) related to a traumatic event
• Avoids places, people, or activities associated with a traumatic event (e.g., accident, abuse)
• Difficulty sleeping or nightmares
• Feels detached from others
• Jumpy or exaggerated startle response
• Difficulty concentrating
• Reliving or re-creating a traumatic event through play

Other anxiety indicators can include:

• Phobias or irrational fears of specific situations or objects (e.g., spiders, open spaces)
• Refusing to speak in situations where talking is expected or necessary in daily life
• Persistent skin picking or scratching
• Pulling out hair, eyebrows, or eyelashes (trichotillomania)

Kathy Glick is a licensed mental health therapist, who recently joined Esprit Counseling, and is currently accepting new clients. Viewing the client as the most important person in the room, Kathy provides a caring presence, helping clients find hope. Building on clients’ strengths, Kathy helps them discover their own resilience, to better achieve their goals and dreams. Using evidence based therapies (including CBT, EMDR, ACT, Motivational Interviewing, and Family Systems), Kathy individually tailors her approach and has consistently rated as highly effective in helping clients reduce symptoms.  Kathy has worked extensively with trauma (e.g., sexual abuse), life adjustment (e.g., grief, divorce, illness), PTSD, anxiety, panic attacks, depression, bi-polar disorder, mood disorders, grief, co-dependency, relationship difficulties, and anger issues. She treats adults, adolescents, and children (10 and up), individually, in couples, or as families.  Kathy holds a Master of Science from the University of Wisconsin-Oshkosh, certification from the National Board for Certified Counselors, and is Licensed in Wisconsin. Outside of work, Kathy loves spending time with family, friends, her children, and her dog, Miguel. She enjoys traveling, yoga, walking, biking, cooking, and reading.