How to "do" Mindfulness

November 3, 2016

Jennifer Olkowski, LPC CSAC

In my practice, I am often recommending mindfulness as a tool for the “tool belt of life”.  I usually get one of three reactions.

•         What is that?

•        I’ve heard of it but it sounds “new agey”.

•        I’ve tried that and I’m terrible at it.

So let’s address each of those reactions, one by one. 

First, what is mindfulness?  Many people assume that mindfulness is about “emptying the mind” or “being clear of distractions”.  In my experience, nothing is farther from the truth.  Simply put, mindfulness is “entering into the present moment without judgement”.  It is noticing what is happening, from our observing self, while working to suspend judgement about what we are noticing.  For example, sometimes as a therapist, I have therapy sessions that don’t go well at all.  The kind where the client gets up to leave, or the client that shuts down because of something I’ve said, or the couple’s session that literally leaves me sweating with stress.  My mind will relentlessly tell me that “you are a terrible therapist”, “see, people have figured out that you don’t know what the hell you are doing”, “your reputation is ruined and no one will want to come back to you after that session”. 

A few short years ago, I would ruminate and spin with those thoughts for days at a time.  I would drive my husband crazy, seeking reassurances that I was still a good therapist.  When I started practicing mindfulness, it eventually allowed me to see those thoughts as just that “thoughts and only thoughts”.  I have learned that my mind is a problem solving machine and when I am in pain, my mind’s number one job is to identify the source of pain.  Most of the time, our minds identify us as the source of pain, with clear and haunting detail about how we aren’t “good enough”.  When I practice mindfulness, I am able to see how my mind is working and it helps me to take the thoughts much less seriously.  Don’t get me wrong, I still have those thoughts and I still don’t like them, but they actually happen less frequently and certainly with much less intensity than they used to.  Now, when they show up, I don’t ruminate for days but rather just a few minutes, and then I  thank my mind for trying to problem solve and then let it go.

The second response that I hear is that mindfulness is “weird and new agey”.  The practice of mindfulness has been around for over 1,000 years.  We tend to think of mindfulness as a “Buddhist” thing but the Buddhists didn’t invent it, rather it was cultivated by Buddhists and grown into a practice.  While meditation has been in America for a very long time, it became a part of the medical field in the 1970’s, when Jon Kabat-Zinn, a student of mindfulness, brought it into the medical field as a way to cope with chronic pain.  Since his groundbreaking research, there is so much more research to prove that it is an effective tool in coping with many medical illnesses as well as a great tool for every day life.

Third, (and this is probably the most often heard one) is that “I’m not good at it” or “I can’t stay focused”.  What I believe is one of the most awesome facets of mindfulness is that is literally no way to fail at it.  The gist of mindfulness is this:  pay attention to something in a present moment and non judgmental kind of way (like your breath or while eating).  When you do this, your mind will quickly get bored and start to think about everything (except what you want to be paying attention to).  At some point, we realize that we have “drifted” and are no longer paying attention to the present moment.  That moment is considered “waking up”.  When you wake up, “boom” you are back in the present moment. Then 5 seconds later, you have probably drifted again.  Again, we realize it and then “boom” you are back in the present moment.  In the span of doing this for 1 minute, you might drift 500 times.  That is perfectly acceptable.  The idea is that you bring yourself back to the present moment 501 times.  Each time we drift is an opportunity to wake up.  Sometimes we catch that we have drifted right away, and other times we might drift for very long moments (kind of like when you are day dreaming while driving and you miss your exit).  No matter, each time you “wake up”, you are back in the present moment.  There is literally no  way to fail.  We drift, wake up, drift, wake up, drift, wake up.  We repeat this over and over.  Eventually we start to “build a muscle” in our brain so to speak that starts to be able to drift a little bit less often.  That muscle allows us to be able to see things more clearly too, with time and practice.

Why not give this some practice now?  There are so many ways to practice being mindful:  breathing, eating, listening to music, driving, showering, walking, etc.  Don’t worry about doing it for 20 minutes a day.  That is too overwhelming.  Just do 30 seconds here, 1 minute there, and over time you will start to notice differences.  You will become more aware of how your mind works.  You may even start to see your mind as your ally, rather than as your enemy.  Wouldn’t that be nice?

 

Jennifer Olkowski, LPC, CASC is a counselor and co-owner of Esprit Counseling in Neenah, WI. Jennifer is passionate about a variety of therapy styles including Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. More recently, Jennifer has dedicated significant time to become proficient in the treatment of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  She has more than 15 years of experience working within the Fox Valley Community and is currently training her 3 month old Samoyed, Denali, to be a certified therapy dog. To schedule an appointment with Jennifer, please go to www.espritcounseling.com