What is consent?
Consent is the most important part of
any sexual encounter. The laws about consent can be confusing, but some basic
facts can help you make the experience positive for all parties involved. At
its core, consent is an agreement by all parties to engage in a given sexual
activity. There are many different ways to give consent, and verbal consent
tends to be the best way to respect your partner(s) boundaries and avoid
misunderstandings.
How does it really work?
Consent needs to be given for every
individual sexual activity, every time. Just because someone gives consent for
something once, doesn’t mean it’s always okay. Also, consent for one type of
sexual activity does not translate to consent for all activity. Consent should
be requested and received before proceeding with any sexual activity at any
time. It’s all about communication and respect, and you can change your mind at any time.
What does it look like?
Positive (or affirmative) consent is
the best way to make sure you and your partner(s) are on the same page. This
involves getting a clear “yes” to questions like, “is this okay?” or, “can we
try ____?” It is not the absence of a “no” or the assumption that someone is
okay with something based on what they are wearing or how they look. It is also
not getting a “yes” based on fear or intimidation. The most important part of
consent is that it is freely given.
What about legally?
Legal consent laws and definitions
vary by state. In Wisconsin, “consent” means words
or overt actions by a person who is competent to give informed consent
indicating a freely given agreement to have sexual intercourse or sexual
contact. “Freely given consent” means the consent was given of the person’s own
free will, without being induced by fraud, coercion, violence, or threat of
violence.
A person
cannot consent to sexual contact or sexual intercourse in circumstances where:
(a) the person suffers from a mental illness or defect which impairs capacity
to appraise personal conduct; or (b) the person is unconscious or for any other
reason is physically unable to communicate unwillingness to an act. (Wis. Stat.
Ann. § 940.225(4)).
In
Wisconsin, the age of consent is 18
years of age. (Wis. Stat. Ann. § 948.01(1). Wis. Stat. Ann. § 948.09).
Anyone under 18 years of age is incapable of providing consent for sexual
activity, regardless of the age of their partner(s). Other groups of people who
are incapable of providing consent are: a person suffering from a “mental
illness or defect,” a person who is physically unable to communicate
unwillingness to participate, a person who is unconscious, a person who is under the influence of an
intoxicant to a degree which renders that person incapable of freely giving
consent (if the defendant has actual knowledge that the person is incapable of
giving consent and the defendant has the purpose to have sexual contact or
sexual intercourse with the person while the person is incapable of giving
consent). (Wis. Stat. Ann. § 940.225(4)). There are also several types
of relationships that impact a person’s ability to freely give consent,
including: (a) a therapist-patient relationship; (b) an employee of an adult
family home, community-based residential facility, an in-patient health care
facility, or a state treatment facility who has sexual conduct with a patient
or resident of the facility; (c) an employee of a child welfare agency, foster
home, or shelter or a direct care or treatment services hospital or home health
agency who has sexual conduct with a client at the facility; (d) a correction
officer or prison volunteer who has sexual contact or sex with an inmate
(unless the person was sexually assaulted by the inmate); (e) a probation or
parole officer who has intercourse or sexual contact with the individual on
parole or probation who’s supervised by him or her or a subordinate. (Wis.
Stat. Ann. §§ 940.22; 940.225).
That’s a lot to
remember.
There are a lot of factors in
obtaining consent, so approach every sexual situation with respect for your
partner(s) and their boundaries regardless of how long you have been sexually
active with them. Here’s a video comparing sexual consent to making tea. It’s
an easy way to remember some of the different aspects of consent.
If
you’ve experienced sexual assault, you’re not alone. To speak with someone who
is trained to help, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800.656.HOPE
(4673) or chat online at online.rainn.org.
Nicki Phillips
is an intern at Esprit and a graduate student at UW Oshkosh working towards a
degree in clinical mental health counseling. She brings a fresh perspective to her work along with a
vibrant personality. She believes everyone is inherently worthy of
respect and compassion, and strives to create those qualities in her
relationships with clients. She sees clients who are uninsured, underinsured,
or prefer to pay out-of-pocket for a reduced cost. She particularly enjoys
working with adolescents and young adults. She is seeing new clients beginning
June 1, 2017. To schedule an appointment with Nicki, please go to www.espritcounseling.com. 
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